LEARNING OBJECTIVES
- Recognize and eliminate repetitive ideas.
- Recognize and remove unneeded repeated words.
- Recognize unneeded words and revise sentences to be more concise.
It is easy to let your sentences become cluttered with words that do not add value to what you are trying to say. You can manage cluttered sentences by eliminating repetitive ideas, removing repeated words, and rewording to eliminate unneeded words.
Eliminating Repetitive Ideas
Unless you are providing definitions on purpose, stating one idea in two ways within a single sentence is redundant and not necessary. Read each example and think about how you could revise the sentence to remove repetitive phrasing that adds wordiness. Then study the suggested revision below each example.
Examples
Original: Use a very heavy skillet made of cast iron to bake an extra juicy meatloaf.
Revision: Use a cast iron skillet to bake a juicy meatloaf.
Original: Joe thought to himself, “I think I’ll make caramelized grilled salmon tonight.”
Revision: Joe thought, “I think I’ll make caramelized grilled salmon tonight.”
Removing Repeated Words
As a general rule, you should try not to repeat a word within a sentence. Sometimes you simply need to choose a different word. But often you can actually remove repeated words. Read this example and think about how you could revise the sentence to remove wordiness. Then check out the revision below the sentence.
Example
Original: The student who won the cooking contest is a very talented and ambitious student.
Revision: The student who won the cooking contest is talented and ambitious.
Rewording to Eliminate Unneeded Words
If a sentence has words that are not necessary to carry the meaning, those words are unneeded and can be removed to reduce wordiness. Read each example and think about how you could revise the sentence to remove phrasing. Then check out the suggested revisions.
Examples
Original: Andy has the ability to make the most fabulous twice-baked potatoes.
Revision: Andy makes the most fabulous twice-baked potatoes.
Original: For his part in the cooking class group project, Malik was responsible for making the mustard reduction sauce.
Revision: Malik made the mustard reduction sauce for his cooking class group project.
Adapted from Chapter 16 “Sentence Style” in Writer’s Handbook v 1.0 used according to Creative Commons CC BY-NC-SA 3.0